Max's birth was unbelievably average. I got induced, was in labor for a few hours, pushed a couple of times and he was out. I held him, we hung out, then took him home. Hudson and Lucas's was not. Having had such an ordinary experience the first time made the surprises of the second even… Continue reading Fresh outta time for memory lane.
...and in the world's strangest turn of events, I've decided to retire early. 35 years early. In one month I'll leave the workforce so I can hang out with the boys until they don't think I'm cool anymore. I've asked Kevin if he's cool with me just retiring for life and that didn't go over… Continue reading I’m just a fart in the wind
I have mentioned this a few times but never really discussed it - I struggled terribly after both births. Let me take you back to 2014 when I became a mommy. The 10 months I mentally prepared for Max were magical. I would daydream about that little boy, the time we'd spend in his nursery, things… Continue reading I can see clearly now, the rain is gone
Few things in life touch me as much as the sweet memories of blowing hundreds on cheap thongs and Von Dutch hats at Gadzooks. The biggest mistake I ever made was not buying the black leather boots with flames going up the back that they had displayed in the window for months. I worked so… Continue reading The glory days
Being Kevin's girlfriend was fun. It was carefree, relaxing, hilarious and spontaneous. Our biggest worry was deciding whether to walk home from the bar or take Sober Driver. My spirit was so light - just like my wallet - and everything I enjoyed was within a 5 mile radius: booze, friends, cheesy gordita crunches... Then we moved… Continue reading Will you go out with me?
...and we don't do any of that in our house. Max has quickly realized that his brothers are capable of touching him, his toys, his mom, the carpet in his room - and he ain't happy. His most recent skill has been mastering the art of the fake injury, which he now does several times… Continue reading Sharing is caring
Few things are more gratifying than happy kids. I get the same satisfaction seeing them laugh as I do when I surprise Kevin with a meal that consists of several species of meat and not one vegetable. Because he giggles with excitement too. The older the boys get the more I want to shove them into… Continue reading Did we just become best friends?
I'll get back on track eventually, one of these days. I haven't written a blog in months because I've been too busy losing hair on my head, growing more on my face, and drinking "calming" tea which is basically cinnamon flavored Xanax. When Max was around 6 months old, my hormones started to shift again which… Continue reading One of these days, Alice…
This peppy post is brought to you by the number 2 and the letter "T"...for Terrible. Max is now a two-year-old, which means he spends 50% of the day disguised as an angry, bipolar, drunk man. Between that and the fact that Lucas is basically me in a tiny baby's body (loud, moody, anxious), Kevin… Continue reading Not the mama!
Now that I'm only working a few days a week, I feel like it's time I put some real effort into becoming a legitimate housewife. And we all know that starts with a belly button ring. A couple weeks ago I was standing in front of the mirror getting ready, staring at the battle wounds… Continue reading [insert Real Housewives tagline here]